Priti Patel

Boris Johnson Sneaks Across Armagh Tyrone Border To See Sam & Dazzler McCurry

Tyrone Tribulations

Sources have confirmed that the English PM Boris Johnson made an unexpected break across the Blackwater in an attempt to catch sight of either Darren McCurry or Sam Maguire, both highly desired icons in the northern hemisphere.

To his delight, Johnson encountered both the Dazzler and the cup in a boutique in Dungannon which McCurry was visiting to get kitted out for the All Star awards in December. The Edendork sharpshooter had coincidentally brought Sam Maguire along to make sure he could lift it when wearing a tight-fitting shirt.

Although no photos exist of the occasion, onlookers described how Johnson persisted in calling McCurry ‘The Dangler’ and dropped the cup five times during a three minute conversation. Johnson proceeded to have a fish supper from a van on the Killymeal Road before heading back to Armagh.

Boris Johnson was in Armagh to commemorate 100 years of Buckfast brewing in Lurgan.

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NI’s 100th Birthday – Steve Bell’s Guardian Cartoon…..

Queen’s ‘Illness’ Avoids Embarrassment At NI Centerary Bash……

The Broken Elbow

So, now there will be no head of state from either jurisdiction present to ‘celebrate’ NI’s 100th birthday in Armagh. How wonderfully convenient. And so well-behaved of The Irish Times not to point out how the Queen’s sudden indisposition will avoid an embarrassing photo-op in Armagh tomorrow, featuring only one head of state, Michael D having very publicly signalled his absence for obvious political reasons.

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Writing the 'Troubles'

By Seán Brennan

The ‘fallout’ from Michael D. Higgins’ refusal to attend a ‘reconciliation’ event, organised by ‘the four main churches’ in Armagh, in September 2021, appears to have created a ‘moment’ when it has become possible to openly critique the ‘peace process’ for the public good.

With Northern Ireland lauded internationally as an exemplar in peacebuilding few have ever taken the time to ask if the peace process actually worked. So, now might be the opportune moment to ask, or at least clarify, what is meant by ‘reconciliation’? And more importantly, why has this ‘reconciliation’ event in Armagh caused so much controversy, at state, institutional and street levels, calling the very foundation of ‘peacebuilding’ in Ireland into question? President Higgins has gained an international reputation for being a wise man. And he has been at the fore in promoting the idea of reconciliation between all parties to the conflict…

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Scappaticci Linked To Rev. Bradford Killing

The Broken Elbow

IRA double agent Freddie Scappaticci is linked by this eye-witness testimony to the 1981 assassination of South Belfast Unionist MP and Methodist minister, Robert Bradford, Well worth listening to…..and food for thought

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UK Government found to be selling tear gas to countries with human rights violations – Challenge

#OTD in 2001 – The first multiple State funeral is held in honour of ten IRA Volunteers, including Kevin Barry, who were executed for their role in the War of Independence.

Tyrone Man Auditioning For New James Bond Role Told To Stop Saying ‘Deadly’ And ‘Lethal’ At Wrong Times

Tyrone Tribulations

An Tattyreagh man who has survived three rounds of auditioning for the new Bond role has been given a last warning over his unusual use of adjectives, according to sources close to the studio.

Cillian Murphy, Tom Hardy, Idris Elba and Henry ‘the red boy’ McCann are currently vying for the prestigious role having been whittled down from 4000 applicants.

McCann, who impressed the direction team with his steely silence, slightly turned-in eyes and ability to diff heavy machinery with one hand on the steering wheel whilst eating an apple, has repeatedly confounded script writers by calling the famous singer and innocent love interest in the film, Beyonce, as ‘a deadly girl’, especially after kissing scenes.

Despite being told she has no role in any violence and is simply there as a romantic liaison, McCann continued to call her ‘lethal’ every time she tried on a new outfit even though…

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